https://www.projecthineini.com/blog daily 0.75 2026-02-02 https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/hineiniagain monthly 0.5 2026-02-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357063321-G67DGLIV3TDNAM17KSBD/c5f5cd85-6d4b-4a83-92bb-423cd863debd.jpeg Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357063439-UPH55CTE0LL58PIFEHMN/a9246670-bf8c-4d58-8207-f92262253fd7.jpeg Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356998671-5PT80B4CN4BU37VCUARQ/ea215ad8-1ea6-4a9d-9b7b-f474713e19b8.JPG Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356999604-CDMUVEKYYX1RPOWJYMDQ/8ac3b39d-3cca-4b35-bbff-2d0dc900af6d.JPG Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356999763-7V0CXE3O7Z732B1T1QHA/1fe2f783-6275-4a19-98bc-6e937d03d6ef.JPG Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357000594-8Z2R1G7NCGR3W4ZXVAJM/11037eb9-5811-4597-b048-ba74e406e340.JPG Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357000737-XI4GYIQIN49CTFHNVGQK/2aaad42a-e15c-4273-97ce-6c098e5b4208.JPG Resources - Something happened https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/feeabe30-42d9-4dab-8178-aa9f4d1c0bd3/ChatGPT+Image+Jan+25%2C+2026%2C+10_15_06+AM.png Resources - Something happened - Make it stand out https://api.whatsapp.com/send?phone=19177574993&text=Hello.%20I%20would%20like%20to%20hear%20more%20about%20the%20next%20Hineini%20workshop%20at%20the%20House%20of%20More.%20My%20name%20is https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/hineiniformore monthly 0.5 2026-02-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357063321-G67DGLIV3TDNAM17KSBD/c5f5cd85-6d4b-4a83-92bb-423cd863debd.jpeg Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357063439-UPH55CTE0LL58PIFEHMN/a9246670-bf8c-4d58-8207-f92262253fd7.jpeg Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356902230-VEBSPI9FRL2XRCL087VA/IMG_8492.jpeg Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356902235-WK8M771IUOFUGCF3IDOD/IMG_8493.jpeg Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356998671-5PT80B4CN4BU37VCUARQ/ea215ad8-1ea6-4a9d-9b7b-f474713e19b8.JPG Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356999604-CDMUVEKYYX1RPOWJYMDQ/8ac3b39d-3cca-4b35-bbff-2d0dc900af6d.JPG Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769356999763-7V0CXE3O7Z732B1T1QHA/1fe2f783-6275-4a19-98bc-6e937d03d6ef.JPG Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357000594-8Z2R1G7NCGR3W4ZXVAJM/11037eb9-5811-4597-b048-ba74e406e340.JPG Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1769357000737-XI4GYIQIN49CTFHNVGQK/2aaad42a-e15c-4273-97ce-6c098e5b4208.JPG Resources - Hineini for More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/feeabe30-42d9-4dab-8178-aa9f4d1c0bd3/ChatGPT+Image+Jan+25%2C+2026%2C+10_15_06+AM.png Resources - Hineini for More - Make it stand out https://api.whatsapp.com/send?phone=19177574993&text=Hello.%20I%20would%20like%20to%20hear%20more%20about%20the%20next%20Hineini%20workshop%20at%20the%20House%20of%20More.%20My%20name%20is https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargin-6-horayot2-thestudentwhoknowscoffee monthly 0.5 2025-10-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/75d278f2-92c2-4bcf-a12f-e9f2444b7933/ChatGPT+Image+Sep+3%2C+2025%2C+12_02_05+PM.png Resources - Between the margins - 6-The Student who knows Coffee - So there I was, starting something new that I had learned before, smiling to myself as I wondered what am I going to vaguely remember as I return again. (Quite appropriate for this time of year no?) That’s something interesting about Torah: there is always a meeting point — between my mind and the text, and also between my self and the self who learns the text. Chazal teach that we learned the entire Torah before birth. Every time I go deeper, it feels like reclaiming some part of myself I once knew, even if I don’t remember. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/4c16566f-3a3e-4a20-bb70-13d09e339105/ChatGPT+Image+Sep+3%2C+2025%2C+12_05_12+PM.png Resources - Between the margins - 6-The Student who knows Coffee - And it’s specifically the talmid — the student — who forces this point. Because a student lives in between: not fully judge, not fully ignorant. Always half in learning, half in applying. That’s the space where it’s tempting to feign innocence: “I didn’t know enough to be responsible.” But Torah says no. If you knew better in any way — you carry it. You can know there is a mistake without knowing how. Or you can know how to reason without knowing why. Torah says: even if you have only half of the picture, if you are ra’ui lehorah — if you are in the position to know better — you cannot pretend ignorance. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/f80369ea-1861-4e1a-a698-0a4fce7c4e9e/WhatsApp+Image+2025-09-03+at+11.47.40_ca31a953.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 6-The Student who knows Coffee Personal Angle That cuts deep for me. Because how often do I lean into one side? Sometimes I’m gmir, quoting what I’ve learned; other times I’m savir, spinning insights from a single idea.But do I bring them together? Or do I pretend that half is enough? Even my morning coffee reminded me today, I asked myself: is this coffee megale (revealing) or mosif (adding)? And then I smiled — kaveh, coffee, is also hope. A little sevara born from a cup. Gmir without savir? Savir without gmir? Or maybe the two meeting? Can I know hope without understanding it, understand it without knowing it and hopefully bring it together to add or reveal ;) Smarter minds have wrestled with this: does Torah add something new? Or does it reveal what we’ve always known? Some flavor would be that this Turkish coffee-thought came to me in the middle of slichot. And that made the question sharper: is this apology, this plea, something that adds or something that reveals? Or is it both? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/2d148406-3e39-4ee0-b1e4-9654ce4aaef1/WhatsApp+Image+2025-08-31+at+16.33.21_8f6f17c1.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 6-The Student who knows Coffee - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargin-avodazara71princesandthieves monthly 0.5 2025-09-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/7feda61d-41b1-4426-b0a9-e648e3907f06/image+%288%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - Why so harsh, and why no restitution? Rashi explains: since the Ben Noach is executed, he is exempt from paying — kam lei b’derabba minei (the greater penalty cancels the lesser). Tosafot press: but why should that be? Why for a Jew is there a category of restitution, but for a Ben Noach there is not? For a Jew: less than a peruta is automatically forgiven. It doesn’t “exist” halachically, because mechila erases it. For a Ben Noach: he is not bar mechila. There’s no built-in assumption of forgiveness. Every act of theft stands in full force. Tosafot therefore reject Rashi’s technical answer. Instead, they root it in mechila itself. For Yisrael, forgiveness can dissolve the tiniest wrong; for a Ben Noach, there is no such release. That means the space between “it matters” and “it doesn’t matter” isn’t indifference — it’s forgiveness. Mechila is literally what stands between life and death. Without it, everything is exact; every act counts in full. And maybe it’s not a stretch to say this: forgiveness is the very emanation of life itself. To be bar mechila, to live in a world where things can be waived, where not every act is carved in stone, is to be connected to life. That is part of the dignity of being Yisrael: that we are bar mechila. Not just that we can forgive others, but that our very halachic and spiritual reality assumes forgiveness. It’s a gift to deepen into — that life itself is not only measured by exactness, but softened, elevated, and sustained by the possibility of mechila. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/7619f413-d176-4594-aa36-a0722bc7fd8d/ChatGPT+Image+Aug+28%2C+2025%2C+11_40_22+AM.png Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - In Shmuel II, perek 12, Natan the prophet gives David HaMelech a parable: A wealthy man with countless sheep seizes the lone lamb of a poor man. David’s response was striking: “Ben mavet ha’ish ha’oseh zot — this man deserves death! And he shall pay fourfold for the lamb.” But where do we ever see that theft carries the death penalty? Torah law is clear: a thief pays back kefel, arba’ah, chamisha. No death. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/82a51ff8-9dea-47fe-a72d-61c554b36b55/image+%2810%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - Rav Lopian sharpened the point: Where do we ever see that a melech is chayav mitah for theft? The Torah itself does not prescribe capital punishment for stealing. So how could David HaMelech say “בן מות האיש” — this man is liable to death? Rav Lopian’s answer: this is the realm of Mishpat HaMelech . A Beit Din is bound entirely by the Torah’s legal code. It cannot add to punishments, cannot create new categories of liability. For theft, the maximum the Torah empowers a court to impose is repayment — kefel (double), arba’ah or chamisha (four- or fivefold) depending on the case. The justice of Beit Din is precise, fixed, and delimited . But a king is entrusted with something different: the preservation of justice, morality, and the dignity of society itself. This is mishpat hamelech. So when David declared that the man in Natan’s parable was ben mavet, it was not because the Torah’s din made theft into a capital crime. It was because, in the broader moral scope of kingship, the act of one with abundance taking from one who has almost nothing, without compassion, is more than a technical theft — it is cruelty of such magnitude that it undermines the very justice of the kingdom. A king must be able to respond to such acts not just with repayment, but with ultimate accountability . In Rav Lopian’s words, David was not speaking merely as a posek din, applying the black-letter law, but as a melech, embodying mishpat hamelech. And within that role, cruelty magnified by power can carry the weight of death. e. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/e2702036-bda0-420c-8095-7ac4a14df62c/download.jpeg Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/63add676-1d6f-426a-a886-70a415375909/image+%289%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d00b7771-6f05-4076-9d79-5ec84e94d185/BS%27D+%2820%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 5-Princes and Thieves - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargin-avodazara70-thelionthegentiletheshofar monthly 0.5 2025-08-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/575963ff-8242-4e8b-8d22-e39ed005f175/ChatGPT+Image+Aug+27%2C+2025%2C+12_17_48+PM.png Resources - Between the margins - 4- The Lion, the Gentile, & the Shofar - The unignored sound of prayer After rectifying the middah of listening during Av — training our ears to hear the destruction, the mourning, the silence between the notes — we begin, in Elul, to tune our ears again to a greater sound. A unifying sound. Sometimes it’s the Shema Yisrael we say twice daily (or more). Sometimes it’s an Amen Yehei Shmei Rabbah that rolls like thunder across a minyan. Sometimes it’s an Adon Olam sung soft and trembling. There is a siren-sound that stirs the Jewish heart — a kol that splits through distraction, that cuts through the wine and the habits, and calls us to rise and cry out. That sound is never solitary. When one Jew hears it, more Jews gather. It spreads, like ripples through the synagogue, through the generations. And yet — the Gemara reminds us — there is another perspective. The gentile sitting at the table assumes that the Jew, hearing prayer, will return unchanged. That nothing has shifted. That the cup will call him back. But we know otherwise. The wine is permitted because the call of prayer transforms the one who hears it. The Jew who rises is not the same Jew who sat. The sound itself reshapes him. What he leaves behind is not desecrated — because he has already become different. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/eb30eaa5-7279-4a29-806f-fdee4dfd2ebf/image+%283%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 4- The Lion, the Gentile, & the Shofar The Secret in the Wine The wine represents what we leave behind. Sometimes it’s habits, sometimes dysfunctions, sometimes just the vessel of yesterday’s self. When the shofar blows, those parts assume we’ll come back. They wait loyally, as they always have. But Elul whispers: you don’t always go back. Sometimes you hear the shofar as more than time. Sometimes you hear the lion as more than fear. Sometimes you rise. And Rava’s comfort is this: the wine is permitted. What you left behind isn’t even ruined. It doesn’t define you anymore. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d00b7771-6f05-4076-9d79-5ec84e94d185/BS%27D+%2820%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins - 4- The Lion, the Gentile, & the Shofar - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargin-avodazara67 monthly 0.5 2025-08-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1eeaaed1-aa32-4684-b3a7-94310242ca34/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.20.01+-+A+contemplative+and+introspective+image+to+capture+the+theme+of+returning+and+healing+during+Elul%2C+the+Jewish+season+of+reflection+and+repentance.+The.jpg Resources - Between the margins -3 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d00b7771-6f05-4076-9d79-5ec84e94d185/BS%27D+%2820%29.jpg Resources - Between the margins -3 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargin-shevuot35 monthly 0.5 2025-06-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/b131b399-e940-4218-b93c-6be587c8b119/ChatGPT+Image+Jun+5%2C+2025%2C+12_50_28+PM.png Resources - Between the margins -2 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/255bc903-46df-49cd-bf7e-bdf01b8a999f/ChatGPT+Image+Jun+5%2C+2025%2C+01_41_15+PM.png Resources - Between the margins -2 Today, I learned a Mishnah from Masechet Shavuot, and it unraveled something deep inside me. The Mishnah, in Shavuot 35a, describes a situation where someone imposes an oath on witnesses: “I make you swear that if you ever know testimony about me, you’ll come and testify.” The Mishnah says these witnesses are exempt from liability—even if they later learn something and don’t testify—because the oath came before they knew any specific details. In other words, the Torah only holds witnesses accountable for a shevuat ha’edut (oath of testimony) when they already know the facts at the time of the oath and still swear they don’t. The Gemara adds another layer: this kind of oath only applies to cases about money—something tangible, like a debt or a transaction. If the testimony is about something intangible—emotions, dreams, the inner stuff of a person—the Torah doesn’t hold them liable in the same way. That struck me hard. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d2f8504f-5725-4ae0-9212-512f5683b7d9/ChatGPT+Image+Jun+5%2C+2025%2C+01_44_39+PM.png Resources - Between the margins -2 - And the best part? And maybe that’s some of the deepest truth of Torah: That you’re allowed to get it wrong. That you can fall for your own false testimony. And that God waits not to punish — but to hear your real oath, Your real “Shema Yisrael, your real Ve’ahavta. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ef6c2f58-a327-4282-9140-8b3ca28e5e18/WhatsApp+Image+2025-05-18+at+11.03.53_012e3939.jpg Resources - Between the margins -2 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/betweenthemargins monthly 0.5 2025-06-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/af10c9ac-0988-43b1-a80b-a4952dc64fc3/ChatGPT+Image+May+22%2C+2025%2C+12_48_54+PM.jpg Resources - Between the margins -1 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/73f849de-f59f-4068-aeb3-031e5b4df5ef/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.33.35+-+A+cheerful%2C+inviting+scene+of+a+retreat+in+Morristown+with+a+cozy+outdoor+table+set+with+delicious+food%2C+symbolizing+gratitude.+Nearby%2C+a+whimsical+ro.jpg Resources - Between the margins -1 - Because this image makes me smile. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ef6c2f58-a327-4282-9140-8b3ca28e5e18/WhatsApp+Image+2025-05-18+at+11.03.53_012e3939.jpg Resources - Between the margins -1 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearfriendattheedge monthly 0.5 2025-05-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/0f01cb8e-0a62-4bad-8c8e-3671bde158f7/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-02-07+11.33.33+-+A+serene+and+introspective+scene+of+a+lone+figure+sitting+still+in+deep+contemplation%2C+surrounded+by+an+open+yet+slightly+blurred+landscape%2C+symbolizi.jpg Resources - To the one waiting at the edge, - What This Has to Do With Breathwork This exact moment—the place between fear and trust, between resistance and surrender—is what breathwork is all about. At the Hineini Breathwork Retreat, we’re not trying to "fix" ourselves. We’re not here to force our way through blocks, push past discomfort, or pretend we’ve mastered anything. We’re here to sit right at the edge of that space and let ourselves actually feel it. Through breath, movement, and guided exercises, we’ll explore: Vulnerability – Dropping the masks, letting ourselves be seen, and realizing we were never alone. Acceptance – Meeting ourselves exactly as we are, without needing to fix, force, or fight. Trust – Learning how to lean into something greater, even when control feels safer. Letting Go – Releasing the grip, the tension, the endless mental loops—and seeing what remains. Surrender – Not as giving up, but as giving over—allowing ourselves to be held by something bigger than us. This isn’t about learning new ideas. It’s about experiencing ourselves fully, in real-time, in a way that words can’t touch. Breathwork is that space. The place between the mind’s noise and the body’s truth. The exact moment where we jump—where we accept the Name fully and let it hold us. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/73f849de-f59f-4068-aeb3-031e5b4df5ef/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.33.35+-+A+cheerful%2C+inviting+scene+of+a+retreat+in+Morristown+with+a+cozy+outdoor+table+set+with+delicious+food%2C+symbolizing+gratitude.+Nearby%2C+a+whimsical+ro.jpg Resources - To the one waiting at the edge, - Because this image makes me smile. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/06e2c876-a3a2-4b4f-aaf5-ffd7bb6b7475/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-02-06+15.24.01+-+A+powerful+and+introspective+depiction+of+a+lone+figure+standing+at+the+edge+of+a+vast+sea+under+a+twilight+sky%2C+hesitating+before+stepping+into+the+w.jpg Resources - To the one waiting at the edge, - The unknown will always look vast. The edge will always feel uncertain. But the path reveals itself only when you move. You don’t have to see the whole way. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just step. The sea will part when your foot touches the water. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff40acae-d880-4e90-9d24-2dd33d23acd5/Hineini+Feb+25+%283%29.jpg Resources - To the one waiting at the edge, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a2670e11-8958-4a3a-9959-c8a0b9639ad3/Hineini+Feb+25+%284%29.jpg Resources - To the one waiting at the edge, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearoldfriend monthly 0.5 2025-02-11 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/498baaf7-51a8-4509-ad04-a2db7ed22549/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+20.43.48+-+A+heartfelt+and+slightly+humorous+digital+illustration+of+a+person+nervously+sitting+in+a+dermatologist%27s+office.+The+room+is+clean+and+professional%2C+.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - Let’s Talk About the “Thing” Since May, I’ve had this “thing” on my nose. You know the kind. It’s not dramatic, just there, hanging out, being a “thing.” It wasn’t bothering me, (while definitely bothering my wife ) so naturally, I ignored it. But someone at my office decided my laissez-faire approach wasn’t cutting it and gently nudged me toward a dermatologist. (You know, by flat-out telling me to go & booking my appointment.) This isn’t the main point of the story, but let me use this moment to give you some unsolicited advice: if there’s something on you or in you that feels off, get it checked. If you’re anything like me, and you’d rather ignore it, I hope you have someone in your life smart and loving enough to drag your neglectful self to the doctor. So there I was, begrudgingly at the dermatologist’s office, meeting Tina, the PA. Tina took one look at the “thing” and said, “That looks like Basal Cell Carcinoma.” Now, let’s pause here. If you’re like me, the word carcinoma doesn’t land softly. It’s not like she said, “Oh, it’s a freckle,” or “It’s just a mole.” Nope. She went straight for the big, terrifying word: carcinoma. (If medical isn’t your first language Carcinoma is a type of cancer) My internal alarm bells—polished and primed for chaos—went into overdrive. Put on your seat belts boys and girls, this was not a drill! “Cancer? What do you mean, cancer?!” Tina, bless her calm and collected soul, assured me that if I had to have any cancer, this was the “good one.” Imagine that. The “good” cancer. She numbed my nose, sliced off the “thing,” which I’m told grew roots, and sent it off to a lab. And just like that, I was on my way with a head full of questions, a numbed nose, and no small amount of existential angst. This was supposed to be a quick Monday evening check-up. Surprise ! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff28e222-60eb-4ca2-bc4c-c36d3744b925/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+20.50.20+-+A+humorous+and+heartfelt+digital+illustration+of+a+person+researching+diligently+on+a+computer%2C+surrounded+by+a+cluttered+desk+with+medical+books%2C+cof.jpg Resources - Dear old friend, - Fast Forward to Surgery The biopsy results came back, confirming Tina’s hunch. After a few rounds of Googling (which I do recommend, like any thing in ‘medicine’ or crypto, do your own research & then accept that you know nothing) and trying to process this new temporary chapter of my life, I went all-in and booked appointments with four different surgeons. ( I scheduled quite easily because Tina was right, this was common!) Eventually, I settled on the right team. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/52c955fb-1474-41cd-b86f-3de92c1941ca/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+20.21.16+-+A+whimsical+and+heartfelt+digital+illustration+depicting+a+person+sitting+on+a+couch+with+a+bandaged+nose%2C+surrounded+by+scattered+medical+papers%2C+boo.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - So last Thursday, I had Mohs surgery. It’s a charming little procedure where the endlessly cheery Dr. Bernstein carved out a chunk of my nose, and then another bonus chunk, and then sent me downstairs to plastics. Enter Dr. Wilson, who greeted me with a smirk and a classic opener: “You’re a bit young to be here.” (Thanks, Doc.) He reassured me everything would be fine, subtly raised an eyebrow at how much had been removed (cue internal panic that one must learn to hush), and performed a skin graft to patch things up. To his credit, he recovered quickly, but I definitely noticed the moment of hesitation. Let’s just say it’s not lost on me. And now, four days post-surgery, I’m here: bandaged, dealing with an allergic reaction (because why not?), feeling all the feelings, and reflecting on some unexpected life lessons. Want to hear them? These are totally subject to change and apply only to me, but if they resonate, I hope they bring you some clarity—or at least a chuckle—on your own journey through trial and error. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/f5ad27f0-f441-46d7-83ee-423efa5021ea/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+20.59.57+-+A+heartfelt+digital+illustration+depicting+a+cozy+and+serene+environment.+The+image+shows+a+person+sitting+in+a+warmly+lit+room+surrounded+by+a+stack+.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 1. Healing on My Own Terms Yes, I’m sticking to the doctor’s orders: rest, avoid workouts, and protect the skin graft. But can we skip the “think positive” pep talks? It’s not that I don’t appreciate encouragement—it’s just that what I really need is: Silence (especially from my own overthinking mind). A stack of books (because Torah truly is our lifeline). The small satisfaction of organizing the spice cabinet or putting away my daughter’s toys. These tiny, seemingly mundane wins anchor me. They remind me that even when the world keeps spinning relentlessly, there’s a rhythm I can create—one that’s quiet, intentional, and all mine. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5f62a09c-f65c-4cba-9f59-41f3584731a3/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+21.08.14+-+A+heartfelt+digital+illustration+of+a+person+sitting+on+a+cozy+armchair+by+a+window%2C+holding+a+warm+drink%2C+surrounded+by+soft+blankets+and+a+glowing+l.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 2. There’s No Trophy for Pushing Through Let’s be real: I’ve spent most of my life chasing productivity. But this week? My usual benchmarks have been thrown out the window. No workouts, no major accomplishments, no crazy sessions—just healing & trying to be helpful. And you know what I’ve realized? There’s no shiny gold medal waiting for anyone who forces themselves to keep up with an unrealistic schedule. Healing isn’t about achieving (or views)—it’s about listening to your body. Rest isn’t a setback; it’s progress in disguise. A quiet form of progress. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/23a015f5-cdcf-4ad7-93b5-4455b6f399f4/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+21.11.11+-+A+heartfelt+and+slightly+humorous+digital+illustration+depicting+a+person+in+a+clean%2C+organized+living+space.+The+individual+is+sitting+on+a+couch%2C+su.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 3. Crying in a Clean House Only I’ll admit it: I can’t cry unless the house is clean. Messy spaces feel like a physical manifestation of chaos, and adding tears to the mix just feels... wrong. So, I clean. Not because I’m avoiding the emotions but because I need the space to invite them in. Is it a little weird? Maybe. But there’s something oddly cathartic about crying in a vacuumed room with a clean sink. It feels like I’m collapsing, but at least I’m collapsing into something orderly. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/e99c1f30-4df9-4f97-a71a-6371cc2cb2a0/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+21.21.07+-+A+heartfelt+digital+illustration+of+a+father+with+a+bandaged+nose+sitting+on+a+cozy+couch+with+his+young+daughter.+The+child+is+snuggled+into+his+lap%2C.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 4. My Daughter and the Bandage My daughter’s reaction to my bandaged face has been humbling in ways I didn’t expect. It took her a few days to sit on my lap again, and those days felt heavier than they should have. I’ve grown so accustomed to how she looks at me, and for a moment, that felt... altered. Baruch Hashem today, she climbed back up and snuggled into my lap like nothing had changed. Together, we watched owls on youtube, and in that simple moment, everything felt whole again. Was it her or me? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/698e37fe-0b8d-4a8d-91d3-24608674c55d/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+21.34.45+-+A+heartfelt+and+introspective+digital+illustration+depicting+a+person+sitting+in+a+calm%2C+serene+environment%2C+symbolizing+peace+and+reflection.+The+ind.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 5. Aggravating People Stay Aggravating Here’s a revelation: if someone drains me when I’m at my best, they’re not about to become a beacon of support when I’m at my most vulnerable. And let’s be clear—this isn’t just about in-person interactions. Life-altering moments don’t come with a magical “repair all relationships” button. (Sorry!) Some estrangements are meant to stay as they are, and you know what? That’s okay. Protecting my peace is a valid part of healing. I don’t have to pick up every piece of a broken relationship just because life has shifted. Sometimes, the best way to move forward is by letting some things stay in the past, or on social media. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/9c0c1e7d-43a1-42e0-8354-228feb4111f0/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-20+21.44.10+-+A+serene+and+introspective+digital+illustration+depicting+a+person+sitting+quietly+with+a+bandaged+nose+in+a+warmly+lit+room.+The+setting+includes+an+.jpeg Resources - Dear old friend, - 6. There’s Only HaShem At the heart of it all, there’s God. Who sees me fully—bandages, scars, and all—and loves me unconditionally. Who isn’t impressed by my insistence on crying in clean spaces or my attempts to find meaning in messes but walks with me anyway. Emuna & Faithfulness, like healing, doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/73f849de-f59f-4068-aeb3-031e5b4df5ef/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.33.35+-+A+cheerful%2C+inviting+scene+of+a+retreat+in+Morristown+with+a+cozy+outdoor+table+set+with+delicious+food%2C+symbolizing+gratitude.+Nearby%2C+a+whimsical+ro.jpg Resources - Dear old friend, - Because this image makes me smile. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d685ffe7-76f8-4aa9-bc5c-c08967952660/Eliyahu+Capture+Cine-16.jpg Resources - Dear old friend, Yes, there is a workshop happening in February. If you made it this far, thank you! Healing isn’t linear, glamorous, or easy. It’s raw, deeply personal, and full of unexpected lessons. Whether it’s navigating bandages, vulnerability, or the relentless pressure to "keep up," true healing invites us to let go of control, connect with our core, and trust in the process. Dates: February 20–23 Location: Morristown, NJ Pricing: Thoughtfully designed for accessibility, because growth should never break the bank. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff40acae-d880-4e90-9d24-2dd33d23acd5/Hineini+Feb+25+%283%29.jpg Resources - Dear old friend, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a2670e11-8958-4a3a-9959-c8a0b9639ad3/Hineini+Feb+25+%284%29.jpg Resources - Dear old friend, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearhuman monthly 0.5 2025-01-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/089c23ae-11ca-4fea-a095-8690c7a6b1c0/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.13.12+-+An+inviting+retreat+scene+with+people+enjoying+a+peaceful+meal+outdoors%2C+surrounded+by+lush+greenery%2C+symbolizing+gratitude.+In+the+background%2C+a+circ.jpg Resources - Dear human, - So, I turned 35, (Happy Birthday to me) and naturally, the wonderful merry-go-round in my head decided to start spinning its greatest hits: the “Life Report Card” shuffle. Same whispers of am I where I should be? Have I done enough? What even is enough? Of course, the problem with trying to grade myself these days is that I’m getting quite senile in my old age. Every day feels like a year, and every year feels like a second. Which is to say, I can’t quite tell if I’m sprinting through life or just sitting here watching the week crawl till shabbos. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d8e40e2c-1c1a-475c-b586-7a5564a54bad/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.11.25+-+A+serene+retreat+scene+with+a+person+sitting+at+a+rustic+wooden+table%2C+enjoying+a+beautifully+set+meal+surrounded+by+lush+greenery.+In+the+background%2C.jpg Resources - Dear human, - Gratitude Is a Moving Target: Living the answer to your past prayers doesn’t automatically make you a gratitude guru. Turns out, there’s always more to hope and pray for. Who knew? The Loops Are a Feature, Not a Bug: Life is basically one giant spinny loop. Just when you think you’ve arrived, surprise! The journey shifts gears. Delightful, isn’t it? (Or so I tell myself.) Finality Is an Illusion: Turning 35 feels like closing a big, dramatic chapter—until you realize it’s actually Chapter One of a brand-new book. The plot twist? It’s still you https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/bcd0b936-7d8a-4de6-a839-c5d16996a02b/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.11.53+-+A+symbolic+scene+showing+a+circular+pathway+or+ring+of+light+in+a+lush+forest%2C+symbolizing+new+cycles+and+fresh+starts.+In+the+foreground%2C+a+confident.jpg Resources - Dear human, - 4. Action Doesn’t Wait for Certainty: That deeper drumbeat calling you to step forward? It’s not going to get quieter. Explore what’s next with courage, clarity, and just the right amount of mystery. Bonus: you don’t have to figure it out alone. 5. Hineini Is the Ultimate Mantra: Avraham said it at his toughest moment, Yaakov said it before a journey into the unknown, and Moshe said it when stepping up to lead. Turns out, “Here I am” works pretty well for modern life, too. 6. Fear and Faith Are Roommates: Walking the line between fear and faith? It’s not graceful, but it’s where all the good stuff happens. Just take it one wobbly breath at a time. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/62360e53-6d7d-4013-975a-222e0e6c52f1/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.25.37+-+A+vibrant%2C+symbolic+scene+featuring+a+group+of+abstract+representations+of+discipline%2C+creativity%2C+strength%2C+and+humility+as+playful%2C+colorful+charact.jpg Resources - Dear human, - 7. Discipline and Creativity Are Besties: You’ll need them both—along with strength and humility—to make life meaningful. And yes, they all take turns being the annoying overachiever in the group. 8. Messy Is the New Perfect: Showing up doesn’t mean you’ve got it all together. It means you’re willing to face the mess with courage and humor. Turns out, that’s the only grade that matters. (Ice bath anyone?) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/73f849de-f59f-4068-aeb3-031e5b4df5ef/DALL%C2%B7E+2025-01-09+11.33.35+-+A+cheerful%2C+inviting+scene+of+a+retreat+in+Morristown+with+a+cozy+outdoor+table+set+with+delicious+food%2C+symbolizing+gratitude.+Nearby%2C+a+whimsical+ro.jpg Resources - Dear human, - Gratitude Is a Moving Target: Life is full of blessings, but let’s be honest—sometimes it’s easier to feel grateful when you’re eating delicious food in Morristown. Finality Is an Illusion: Think you’re at the end of the road? Plot twist—it’s a roundabout! Come learn how to navigate it (and maybe even enjoy the ride). Messy Lives Need Breaks: Overachieving on life lately? Put down the Pinterest-perfect plans and take a breather—we promise it’ll involve real breakthroughs, actual breathwork, and snacks to keep it all deliciously real. Bring your mess; we’ve got you covered. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d685ffe7-76f8-4aa9-bc5c-c08967952660/Eliyahu+Capture+Cine-16.jpg Resources - Dear human, I could go on... though like I said "Attainable and accessible growth"*** Dates: February 20–23 Location: Morristown, NJ Pricing: Thoughtfully designed for accessibility, because growth should never break the bank. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a2fcbf1e-49ff-4433-8578-eec5b747376b/WhatsApp+Image+2025-01-07+at+18.12.56_5c18ae69.jpg Resources - Dear human, - A friend of mine sent this with Next time you think about Shooda Coulda.. look at this and smile! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff40acae-d880-4e90-9d24-2dd33d23acd5/Hineini+Feb+25+%283%29.jpg Resources - Dear human, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a2670e11-8958-4a3a-9959-c8a0b9639ad3/Hineini+Feb+25+%284%29.jpg Resources - Dear human, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearfellowhuman monthly 0.5 2025-01-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/76e50de9-8c1b-44c3-b6f2-de65394f43fe/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-12-23+13.55.17+-+A+symbolic+depiction+of+family+drama+with+a+person+standing+at+the+center+of+a+chaotic+circus+scene.+Surrounding+them+are+exaggerated+characters+repre.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Exploring Family Dynamics and Letting Go Oh, the joys of family drama! Carrying the weight of conflicts that aren't yours to resolve can feel like a full-time job—without the paycheck. At Hineini, we invite you to stop playing referee in battles you didn’t sign up for. Instead, we’ll help you discover the liberating art of saying, "Nope, not my circus, not my monkeys." Through reflection and intentional practices, you’ll learn that your peace is worth more than someone else’s unresolved baggage. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ac092116-5318-4271-b2b1-ef154f8331d1/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-12-23+14.00.29+-+A+powerful+and+symbolic+depiction+of+modern+masculinity+and+fatherhood.+A+man+stands+confidently+in+the+foreground%2C+holding+his+child%E2%80%99s+hand+with+tend.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Reimagining Masculinity and Parenthood Tired of outdated notions of masculinity? So am I. At Hineini, we’re here to remind you that true strength isn’t about who can yell the loudest or flex the most. (we can have a contest if you want) It’s about kindness, empathy, and leading with authenticity. For those navigating fatherhood, we’ll help you craft a legacy you can be proud of—one rooted in meaningful connection and breaking free from tired stereotypes. (Your son does not need to live your story.) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1a209a08-f237-4528-af26-aa1ed02a3fa2/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-12-23+14.08.11+-+A+symbolic+depiction+of+being+anxious+about+anxiety.+A+person+stands+in+a+circular+maze+made+of+mirrors%2C+each+reflection+showing+an+exaggerated+versio.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Navigating Anxiety, OCD, and the Need for Control Take a look at the next slide, how does it make you feel? Anxious about being anxious? Join the club. At Hineini, we get it—your mind can be its own worst enemy, turning every thought into a catastrophic screenplay. We’re here to hand you the tools to reclaim your narrative, so you can stop letting fear drive the car (seriously, it’s a terrible driver). Through mindfulness, community, and a little humor, you’ll find a way to coexist with your thoughts without letting them take over. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/012866c2-81b8-4b19-92c3-e590f22641b1/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-12-23+14.15.34+-+A+symbolic+and+masculine+depiction+of+prioritizing+health+and+self-care.+A+man+sits+confidently+in+an+ice+bath+surrounded+by+a+peaceful%2C+sunlit+garden.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Prioritizing Health and Self-Care If the last image made you cringe I hope this one makes you smile! Your body isn’t a battleground, and no, you don’t need to be perfect to deserve care. At Hineini, we’ll help you see your body for what it truly is: a sanctuary, albeit one that might need a bit of TLC. Whether you’re managing health challenges or just trying to remember what "self-care" means (hint: it’s more than bubble baths), we’re here to support you in honoring your physical and emotional well-being. (Ice bath anyone?) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5af0cf89-0f53-4298-a04f-9ed82b0f384a/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-12-23+11.42.47+-+A+symbolic+representation+of+personal+transformation+and+renewal.+In+the+foreground%2C+a+man+stands+at+the+edge+of+a+serene+lake%2C+the+water+reflecting+a.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Personal Growth and Parenthood: Fatherhood, whether you're steering your daughters, sons, or navigating the inner landscapes of yourself, unfolds as an adventure of emotions—from the shadows of fear and frustration to the bright spots of love and thrill. At Hineini, we don't shy away from the parts that whisper worries of inadequacy or echo past errors. Instead, we embrace them. Together, we set a course for a different kind of fatherhood, one where being fully there, soaking in joy, and holding dear every laugh and smile, lights the way. This journey isn't just about avoiding the pitfalls; it's about making the trip memorable, meaningful, and uniquely yours. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/d685ffe7-76f8-4aa9-bc5c-c08967952660/Eliyahu+Capture+Cine-16.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, Let’s face it—personal growth is messy, but at least it’s yours. At Hineini, we’ll help you navigate the wild ride of relationships and self-discovery with grace (or at least fewer facepalms). Parenthood? We’ve got you. Fear of messing it all up? Join the club, and let’s turn those fears into stepping stones toward something beautiful. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff40acae-d880-4e90-9d24-2dd33d23acd5/Hineini+Feb+25+%283%29.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a2670e11-8958-4a3a-9959-c8a0b9639ad3/Hineini+Feb+25+%284%29.jpg Resources - Dear fellow human, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearwanderingjew monthly 0.5 2024-12-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/c0290f62-4a45-4f14-bca7-a2b00c23432e/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.21.02+-+An+introspective+and+emotional+image+of+a+young+boy%2C+representing+the+inner+child%2C+sitting+alone+in+a+quiet%2C+open+field+at+dusk.+His+expression+reflec.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - He yearns for love, safety, and belonging. He looks to others to help discern his own sense of self worth. He feels conflicting feelings such as frustration and grief and needs a healthy outlet He is really trying hard to be okay & also wants to be liked. He has done a considerable process in getting to know himself. There are still angles to his traumas that he has yet to discover and he is curious to learn. He wants to be found & there are parts of himself that experience themselves as lost, waiting, & longing. He experiences collective exile as well. The journey of teshuva is a function of turning, not away from, but toward myself, toward the fragments of my spirit that have been scattered and neglected, forgotten in the endless search for something outside that might make me feel whole. Sound familiar? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/7f7b2b4c-0e88-44eb-a8e6-181b8d9e22d3/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.24.49+-+A+spiritual+and+contemplative+image+representing+the+three+steps+of+teshuva+%28repentance%29+as+taught+by+the+Rambam_+regret%2C+confession%2C+and+commitment+t.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Let’s explore a bit deeper . In the teachings of the Rambam, the process of teshuva (repentance) involves three essential steps: regret ("yis’nachem al she’avar"), confession ("l’hisvados bi’sfasav"), and commitment to change ("she’ya’azov ha’choteh chet’o … vi’yigmor b’libo she’lo ya’asehu ode"). These steps are not merely acts but can become deeply intimate mile markers, allowing us to explore and engage with aspects of ourselves that may not always align with a higher purpose. Teshuva, therefore, can be experienced both on a surface level, supported by current structures and practices, and as an immersive, transformative process—a journey toward inner freedom where we connect with our fragmented parts and seek integration and healing. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ff32a880-e8f9-4cda-9412-3666a59ca6ff/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.32.47+-+A+spiritual+and+evocative+image+capturing+the+three-step+process+taught+by+the+Baal+Shem+Tov_+submission%2C+separation%2C+and+sweetening.+The+scene+featur.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - The Baal Shem Tov outlines another three-step process: submission (hachna'ah), separation (havdalah), and sweetening (hamtakah). According to this teaching, to truly connect with the fundamental elements of creation—the "letters" or building blocks that shape reality—one must first undergo these stages. The process begins with a humble submission to reality, acknowledging our limitations and finitude, however painful that may be. The second stage involves discerning and separating ourselves from what distracts or detracts from our noble vision and purpose. Only after these stages of self-awareness and moral clarity can we reach the final stage of sweetening, where we elevate and transform our experiences, finding the hidden sparks of holiness and light within them. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/4dd9260a-12b5-415c-a51c-7b64ebbad5f4/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-27+15.18.34+-+Create+an+inspiring+and+introspective+image+that+embodies+the+uniqueness+and+individuality+of+each+person.+The+scene+should+depict+a+person+standing+a.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Teshuva, "return," goes beyond the return to rules or rituals; it is return to the essence of who I am—the core that has remained intact, even when wholeness has felt distant and elusive. It is return to a place of clarity and intention, a recognition that this world was created for the purpose of returning and creating a dwelling place for the Divine presence in the lowest realms (dirah batachtonim). In this way, teshuva guides us back to the central, singular point where creation and Creator meet once again—a place where they "kiss" in a moment of profound reunion. This very act is an expression of redemption. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/b8f1cee4-3773-4db0-b5cd-2f13e2f4f96e/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.43.57+-+An+evocative+and+spiritual+image+inspired+by+Rabbi+Nachman%27s+teaching+in+Likutei+Moharan+6%2C+illustrating+the+concept+of+teshuva+%28repentance%29+as+a+retu.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Rabbi Nachman teaches in Likutei Moharan 6: וּכְשֶׁבָּא לְטַהֵר אֶת עַצְמוֹ וְלַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה, אָז הוּא בִּבְחִינַת אֶהֱיֶה, הַיְנוּ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לוֹ הֲוָיָה בָּעוֹלָם, הַיְנוּ אֲנָא זָמִין לְמֶהְוֵי. " Before repenting, a person does not truly exist; it is as if they have no real presence in the world. Indeed, it would be better if they had not been created (Eruvin 13b). But when one begins the process of purifying themselves and making teshuva, they enter into the state of Ehyeh—'I am prepared to be.'" To exist in a world after trauma, I must continuously return to and draw strength from the One that exists before and after the trauma occured. I draw from the name Ehiye the name associated with pretrauma- the aspects that are not affected by the traumas of this life! Teshuva is the integrative therapeutic medicine to the illnesses of life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/fbf2a847-6835-4c64-a4f6-be1a3acec733/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.48.07+-+A+spiritual+and+uplifting+image+representing+the+redemptive+power+of+teshuva+%28repentance%29+as+described+by+the+Rambam.+The+scene+shows+a+diverse+group+.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - The return is redemptive by nature: As the Rambam taught, וְאֵין יִשְׂרָאֵל נִגְאָלִין אֶלָּא בִּתְשׁוּבָה. וּכְבָר הִבְטִיחָה תּוֹרָה שֶׁסּוֹף יִשְׂרָאֵל לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה בְּסוֹף גָּלוּתָן וּמִיָּד הֵן נִגְאָלִין "Israel will only be redeemed through Teshuva. The Torah has already promised that, ultimately, Israel will repent towards the end of her exile, and immediately, she will be redeemed" (Hilchot Teshuva 7:5). Teshuva is not just an individual journey; it is the collective pathway through which the world is healed and redeemed. It is the promise of return, embedded in the very fabric of creation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/bf278577-71ba-48d8-94fc-94eab2452308/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.50.57+-+An+evocative+and+spiritual+image+reflecting+the+concept+of+teshuva+%28return%29+as+an+inclusive+call+to+self-awareness+and+transformation.+The+scene+shows.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Even in our striving, we recognize our imperfections, our missteps, and the places where we fall short. The beauty of teshuva lies in its inclusivity—it's a call to everyone, a recognition that each of us, no matter how far we have strayed, is invited to return home. In the depths of Kabbalistic thought, returning to one's innermost self means reaching toward something much deeper and transcendent. Shem Tov Ibn Falaquera, a Jewish Spanish philosopher, explains, "Whoever knows his soul knows his Creator, and whoever is ignorant of knowing his soul is ignorant of the knowledge of his Creator… Therefore, they said that the knowledge of the soul is prior to the knowledge of God" (Sefer ha-Nefesh). Similarly, Yosef Ibn Tzadik teaches, "By knowing his own soul, man will know the spiritual world, and from there, he can attain some knowledge of the Creator, as it is written, 'From my flesh, I shall perceive God'" (Job 19:26, Ha-Olam ha-Katan). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/50643712-8413-46dc-b688-cee75e0357a0/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+15.57.24+-+A+deeply+spiritual+and+contemplative+image+representing+the+concept+of+teshuva+as+a+divine+gift+and+cosmic+process.+The+scene+shows+a+figure+standing+.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, Hashem, in His infinite compassion, gifted us a way to re-engage with the letters and fabric of creation. Just as the letters of the Torah are the building blocks of reality, teshuva allows us to reconnect with the foundational elements of our being, to realign ourselves with the divine purpose woven into every thread of existence. A reminder that the journey home is always open, and the path back is always available. Always. The call of the shofar—a cry from the depths of our souls, awakening us to the realization that we are always invited to come home, to return to the sacred point where Creator and creation meet. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/ea3868c8-18a1-452e-98c5-d3584ab10d57/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+16.02.30+-+A+deeply+introspective+and+emotional+image+capturing+the+journey+of+reconnecting+with+the+inner+child%2C+focused+on+a+male+perspective.+The+scene+shows+.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, As I reflect on my own journey, on a human level, I acknowledge that I have not always strengthened my inner boundaries to hold a safe space for my inner child. This inner child, who still searches for love, safety, and belonging, has often been exposed to the storms of self-doubt, judgment, and relentless seeking. There have been moments when I have not treated this little being within me with the care it needs. There were times when I allowed the harsh inner critic to speak louder than compassion, not trusting the gentle voice that simply wanted to feel loved, seen, and safe. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5a6517f9-d0f5-466e-9946-9d7dc84697bb/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+11.37.04+-+A+calming+and+introspective+scene+symbolizing+inner+child+healing+and+self-compassion.+The+image+shows+a+male+person+sitting+cross-legged+in+a+peacefu.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - We hear often that true healing and transformation happen from the inside out, but perhaps I missed this lesson along the way. As a result, this lost little boy, craving validation, didn’t receive the guidance on what a healthy sense of belonging looks like or how important boundaries are for feeling secure. Instead, he created his own reality, a world built around the need for external validation, which only strengthened his internal beliefs that love and acceptance must be earned or sought outside. Now, as I walk this path of teshuva, I am learning to create boundaries that are not walls but arms, wrapping around my inner child, holding him gently. These boundaries do not shut the world out, but instead, they keep me anchored within myself. I am learning to say “no” to the old habits and patterns that hurt me, the ones that seek quick comfort at the cost of deeper peace. I am learning to say “yes” to the quiet, to the stillness, to the soft whispers of my heart that invite me to stay, to listen, to heal. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/0ac9a28a-d048-495e-8aa3-f6faa780c44c/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+16.16.23+-+A+clear+and+contemplative+image+depicting+the+theme+of+fear+as+a+companion+on+the+journey+of+self-growth+and+healing%2C+inspired+by+the+Baal+Shem+Tov%27s+.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Yes, there is fear, too—a sober fear of relapse, of slipping back into old ways, of falling into the familiar patterns that once felt safe but were, in truth, just a different kind of lost. This fear is real and it sits with me, like a shadow, reminding me of the pull of the past, the lure of easy escapes. But I have learned that fear can be a friend; it signals the depth of my commitment, the gravity of this journey. I don’t push the fear away. I hold it with the same compassion I am learning to hold my inner child. Think of how the Baal Shem Tov 3 step process may apply, I know that fear is a sign that I am moving toward something vital, something meaningful. It is not a sign of weakness but of caring, of wanting more for myself, of choosing to show up for this work every day, even when it is hard, even when it feels uncertain. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/b4e06252-ae89-4e9e-9748-ed5fcbd59761/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-09-11+16.19.38+-+A+serene+and+uplifting+image+inspired+by+the+theme+of+gratitude+and+return%2C+depicting+a+morning+scene+with+a+parent+and+child+walking+together+beneath.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - BH- On some of the recent elul mornings, as I walk with my daughter beneath the open sky, I find myself singing with her, “Modeh Ani Lefanecha” — a simple, heartfelt expression of gratitude. It’s a reminder of the faithfulness the Creator has in me, to take another step on this earth, under this sky, to return, to begin again. Hashem gives me another day to create a reality to bear testimony to his Oneness to actively choose ‘return’, every day. Just for today. To practice teshuva in the quiet spaces of my own heart. To return to the parts of myself that feel most fragile and most in need of care. To recommit to holding my inner child with love and gentleness, to guide myself toward a love that is not contingent on external validation but flows from the deep well of who I am. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/2e1e757c-201a-4502-b6eb-096b556994f2/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+06.55.06_59edc904.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5c00655a-6412-4e67-96a6-cb4798b1fbad/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+08.55.41_17a4d9d1.jpg Resources - Dear Wandering Jew, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearinnerskeptic monthly 0.5 2024-09-11 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1414344f-19b0-4bfe-bde5-96fdfafe23c3/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-26+16.41.27+-+Create+an+artistic+representation+of+an+inner+struggle+between+two+parts+of+a+person%27s+personality.+The+first+part+is+visualized+as+a+%27sex+addict%27+cha.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - ” The Struggle is real.” Standalone: “ A fierce clash between raw emotion and composed control, symbolizing the struggle within." As Part of a Progression: "The awakening of inner conflict marks the start of a journey toward self-awareness." What does it mean to me? We have an experience of duality when we view things as under control. It’s hard, and present. There are some moments of joy, order, and success with trials and tribulations of life. I fight myself and I keep myself at bay. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/fa9c195a-dbc1-4169-ab76-d4625237d306/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-26+16.42.40+-+Create+an+artistic+representation+of+an+inner+struggle+between+two+parts+of+a+person%27s+personality%2C+including+elements+of+greed%2C+self-interest%2C+narcis.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “A War Within.” Standalone: "Confronting inner demons, where darkness and shame challenges the spiritual ego." As Part of a Progression: "Facing the shadows within, this stage is the battle with our deepest flaws." What does it mean to me? There are moments where the volume is turned on so loud where I can really see and hear the different parts at play. I must be willing to acknowledge that I have shadows and parts that have their own agendas. My darker parts exist and can be worked with. Loud doesn’t mean true. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/3309b0bb-f5cb-40e7-9066-d599e5fb189a/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-23+13.18.25+-+Create+a+cover+art+image+for+an+Instagram+post+discussing+%27Module+7_+Manifestation+-+An+Intuitive+Experience.%27+The+image+should+evoke+a+sense+of+spiri.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “Morning After” Standalone: "A serene ascent to spiritual awakening and inner peace." As Part of a Progression: "The culmination of the journey, achieving balance and enlightenment after the storm." What does it mean to me? There are moments within and through the long dark night of the soul where I can connect to myself again in serenity and love. When I let go of the loudest voice & dwell in a deeper quiet. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/060aa6ad-087f-475d-a597-c2abe5657d69/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-27+11.28.06+-+Create+a+conceptual+image+for+a+flyer+promoting+a+personal+development+course.+The+scene+is+set+in+a+modern%2C+stylish+home+office.+In+the+foreground%2C+a.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “Work Works” Standalone: "A deep dive into self-reflection, uncovering the masks and truths within." As Part of a Progression: "The journey begins by recognizing and understanding the many parts of the self." What does it mean to me? I come back to having a sober look in the mirror, to connect or detach from inherited symbols, roles or masks. Truth and authenticity are a proactive practice to peace. This is doing the work. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/9fc12cd3-8b69-4bf6-aac6-476848bf77c4/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-23+13.14.30+-+Create+a+cover+art+for+an+Instagram+clip+on+the+topic+of+manifestation+and+prayer.+The+scene+should+depict+a+dynamic%2C+introspective+atmosphere+with+wa.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “Doorway IN” Standalone: "Stepping into a new realm of possibilities after inner clarity." As Part of a Progression: "With inner peace, the path opens to broader horizons and growth." What does it mean to me? There are moments of awareness, aliveness, peace, where things make sense and the world seems to align. Non-dramatic in nature, there is a state of being okay with what is. There is light to find when my vessels are ready. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/27a41afb-cb7e-4624-8279-dd40464893da/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-23+13.13.22+-+A+profound+lecture+scene+on+manifestation+and+prayer%2C+featuring+a+dynamic+speaker+standing+at+a+podium.+The+speaker+is+passionately+engaging+a+captiva.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “Heart spoken” Standalone: "Sharing the boundless power of a heart-centered life with the world." As Part of a Progression: "The journey extends outward, where heart-centered wisdom is shared and inspires." What does it mean to me? Learning to share masculine heart-based wisdom is a gift and medium to deepen my own healing. It is a value and universal to want my heart to be heard. That doesn’t mean you need to listen. ;) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1b956d9e-1913-4a27-bc38-b38574f5c117/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-23+13.16.16+-+Create+a+cover+art+for+an+Instagram+clip+on+the+topic+of+manifestation+and+prayer.+The+scene+should+depict+a+dynamic%2C+introspective+atmosphere+with+wa.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - “ Home found” Standalone: "Embracing the serenity of inner peace, grounded in love and life’s rhythm." As Part of a Progression: "Returning to inner tranquility, sustaining the heart’s connection after outward giving." What does it mean to me? There is an inner chill that emerges when I am peaceful with what is. Can I remember that this is always a few breaths away? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/2e1e757c-201a-4502-b6eb-096b556994f2/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+06.55.06_59edc904.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5c00655a-6412-4e67-96a6-cb4798b1fbad/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+08.55.41_17a4d9d1.jpg Resources - Dear inner skeptic, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/dearwoundedego monthly 0.5 2024-08-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a0f8012a-545d-48d4-8e0b-4ae3d676bc55/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-25+at+12.13.23+AM.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - You may ponder what use there is to dig and to leave you to your devices within this concealed world. However, dear friend, I remind you of the way our fathers, Rabbi Elazar Ha-kappar said: envy, lust, and [the desire for] honor put a man out of the world. The GRA explains these are the qualities of Korach, Bilam, and Cain. Perhaps let us look at the qualities learned before the revelation, remembrance, and reminder that this entire world is for the world to come—to learn from the internal villains of the Chumash to inform the eternally wise king crowned in the Navi who is able to open to a song of songs. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/0241c25c-219f-4908-9eae-3fd39465a6f6/gettyimages-1062102910-612x612+%281%29.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Greed, you’ve sought more and more haven’t you? —more validation, more love, more proof that you are worthy. You’ve chased after the attention, the need to be seen, to be admired. But in that chase, you’ve also been blind to what you already had, what was real, what was truly yours. You’ve taken, sometimes without giving back, driven by a hunger that could never be satisfied. Consider that it’s time to release that grip, to understand that your worth isn’t measured by the attention you gather, but by the love you hold for yourself. If only. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/eb950a07-6bd2-49b7-9d48-d74183acadef/1709273247306.jpeg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Self-Interest, you’ve often placed yourself at the center, haven’t you? You’ve moved through relationships with the thought, “What can I gain? What can I secure for myself? My needs matter more.” And in doing so, you’ve missed the depth of connection that only comes when you step outside of yourself, when you give without expecting, when you love without calculating the cost. Consider an invitation to let go of that need to always be at the center. It’s okay to soften, to step aside, to make room for the other, to trust that in giving, you won’t lose yourself. If only. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/dc537c74-bb3a-400c-95d6-c7d34cd81056/DALL%C2%B7E+2024-08-15+14.04.02+-+A+depiction+of+narcissism+with+a+person+standing+in+front+of+a+cracked+mirror+in+a+lavish+room.+Each+fragment+of+the+mirror+reflects+a+different+versi.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Narcissism, oh how you’ve sought the mirror, the reflection of yourself in others, haven’t you? A fragmented version of yourself though a valid part all the same. You’ve needed to see yourself as perfect, as the one who is always right, always deserving. And when that reflection was cracked, when others didn’t give you what you needed, the pain was unbearable, wasn’t it? It was viscerally devastating to have the variant shards of the fragmented self shatter. The masks of delusion fall when immaturity looks at itself in the mirror. Consider that it’s time to step away from that fractured mirror, to understand that you are more than just the image you project. You are allowed to be imperfect, flawed, human. There is strength in vulnerability, in showing your cracks, in letting others witness the real you. If only. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/f7e4deda-48c8-49b1-b3e1-8187810f32dc/download.jpeg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Psychopathy, you’ve been the coldness, the detachment, the part that said, “I don’t care.” You’ve silenced empathy, pushed away the guilt, and convinced yourself that the rules didn’t apply to you. Remember? You’ve hurt others, and in doing so, you’ve hurt yourself. Consider that deep down, there is a heart that longs to feel, to connect, to care. It’s okay to admit that you do care, that the pain you’ve caused others also lingers within you as is the pain that they caused you. Imagine or pretend it’s okay to soften, to allow empathy to flow back in, to let yourself be moved by the suffering of others, and by your own. If only. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/1723745568987-N9Q87F432QYXH6MPQWC6/unsplash-image-LEcREeDqi0I.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - So, dear Wounded Ego, my friend, my partner for so long in this joint venture & prayer, this is your permission. Let these parts of you—Greed, Self-Interest, Narcissism, Psychopathy—rest. Let them mend and end their relentless pursuit of their piece or your peace. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/2e1e757c-201a-4502-b6eb-096b556994f2/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+06.55.06_59edc904.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/5c00655a-6412-4e67-96a6-cb4798b1fbad/WhatsApp+Image+2024-08-14+at+08.55.41_17a4d9d1.jpg Resources - Dear Wounded Ego, - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.projecthineini.com/blog/hineinitrustfound monthly 0.5 2024-08-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/a0f8012a-545d-48d4-8e0b-4ae3d676bc55/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-25+at+12.13.23+AM.jpg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - From this space of revelation springs forth the power of choice, as I navigate the labyrinth of self-discovery. Each twist and turn, a note in the symphony of my existence, as I realize that "I" can be the observer amidst the maze of my own being. The “I” is never too far. From this newfound perspective, affirmations become affirming ways to stay connected – reminders that bring "me" back to "I" without soaring too close to the sun. To rely on the "I" to guide "me" home. Using words to walk myself into freedom. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/bc72b762-4cd1-47be-b9c7-8aa868a2f814/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-26+at+1.41.12+PM.jpeg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - First: "I am stopping the negative thought pattern." With each breath, I seize control of the cognitive carousel, silencing discordant noise and inviting harmonious silence. Permission granted to pause, to stop, to step out of the patterns of thought. My ‘I’ is empowered to stop the negative thought pattern. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/af341561-0bf9-4725-96f5-a39d775ded3f/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-26+at+1.41.12+PM+%281%29.jpeg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - Second: "I am moving to a better state." With each inhale, each step, I journey towards growth, towards evolution. I may not be where I want to be, but I am not where I was – and that, in itself, is progress. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/cb85bd7c-10ac-4d1a-b141-e7ff7bc7b5e4/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-26+at+1.41.12+PM+%282%29.jpeg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - Third: "I acknowledge my emotions, I feel ____." In the vast ocean of life, emotions are the waves that carry me. I acknowledge, I witness, I feel – for the "I" exists amidst the tumultuous seas of feeling. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/f54d8882-6439-4faf-8b53-6c2b26846553/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-26+at+1.41.12+PM+%283%29.jpeg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - Fourth: "I can be there for myself, so I can be there for others." Only by nurturing my own heart can I extend compassion to others. I must remove my own mask before I can truly connect with another soul. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65314c0aebd6834d3892b66d/7f8191a2-c768-4aca-9d22-9fafdf98fda9/WhatsApp+Image+2024-02-26+at+1.41.12+PM+%284%29.jpeg Resources - Trust: Found & Returned - Fifth: “I own myself.” My life, my choices, my destiny – all within my humble hands. With integrity and authenticity as my guiding stars, I navigate the twists and turns of existence, knowing that I am the captain of my ship. 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